remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i've created a new STD.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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