She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize