You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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