Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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