I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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