You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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