its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize