well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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