You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize