But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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