Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize