addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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