cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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