I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize