I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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