you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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