I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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