seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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