What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize