She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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