i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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