my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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