Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize