Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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