girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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