All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ladies don't puke and tell
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
