Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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