Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
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He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize