just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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