When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize