I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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