I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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