My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize