Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so much tequila, so little girl.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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