I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize