I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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