Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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