I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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