I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize