you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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