me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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