WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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