shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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