bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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