Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize