If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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