So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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