I faked an abortion last night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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