you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize