Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize